“I don’t like being outside of my comfort zone, so I always make sure I’m the one in charge. That way I know for sure that I won’t be taken advantage of.”
Controllers need control to keep the vulnerable, negative feelings that they experienced in childhood from surfacing in their adult lives. Having control means having protection from the feelings of fear, humiliation and helplessness. Anger is the one emotion that is not vulnerable, so intimidation and anger are often used to keep control. Control may be highly rigid or more sporadic and unpredictable, but Controllers rarely realize the real reason they need to be in charge.
Ask yourself the following: If these statements resonate with you, you might be a Controller. Take the quiz to find out.
- No one protected me from harm when I was growing up, so I had to get tough and take care of myself.
- Life has taught me to either “be in control” or “be controlled.”
- People would probably describe me as intimidating.
- I prefer to solve problems on my own.
- I need things to be done a certain way or I get angry.
- I have few feelings about my childhood except I’m glad it’s over because I wouldn’t go back.