Unspoken…Questions about Sexuality

You [Milan] said that you had lots of thoughts come to your mind but you had to learn to control it.  Please explain how.

I saved the best for last.   How on earth do we learn to control our thoughts?  It can be done.  Eastern mystics can meditate and control their minds so effectively that they can slow their heart down to a point where it almost stops.  So much so, it scared the doctor holding the stethoscope.

What about Captain Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger’s control of his mind as he lost all power in a commercial airliner with several hundred people on board… he controlled his mind so effectively that he landed on water without panicking.

I know that the eastern mystics do not know Christ, and I have no idea if “Sully” is a Christian… I hope so… but with discipline, the mind can be brought under control.

How much more should we who have the indwelling of the Holy Spirit be able to do so.

As a new Christian in 1972, I embraced the Cross and soon discovered that Jesus wanted to more than save me.  He also wanted to sanctify me.  Now I was cool with the saving concept but I had big issues with God wanting to tell me how to think.  I liked my thought life and didn’t want to have to change my “creature comforts” that is, how me the creature was comforted by my sinful thought life.  Here is the progression that I went through then and still go through daily.

  1. I had to get about the fact that God wanted my mind to become holier day by day.  That I was actually to try to bring every thing captive to the obedience of Christ (II Corinthians 10:5).
  2. The Apostle Paul actually told Timothy that he needed to discipline himself for Godliness.  It is the Greek word “gumnadzo” from which we get our English word gymnasium … which means to exercise the body vigorously. Thus, we have to exercise.  I realized that I was going to have to make myself uncomfortable.
  3. I told Kay and others that my mind was not where it was supposed to be.  I asked some friends to help me by asking me how my journey of controlling my mind was.
  4. I learned to identify and bring my agitated feelings and emotions to Kay and receive comfort and relief in relationship instead of sexualized behavior or thoughts.
  5. I kept at it, as an athlete trys to stay in shape by daily workouts, day by day.  Now thirty eight years later, my run away mind is more disciplined than it was then.  I still make myself practice daily, controlling thought relative to motivations, attitudes, words, what I let my eyes see, and what I think about.
  6. I studied the scriptures extensively to understand how God saw me as a saved person within whom the Holy Spirit lived.  An incredible thought, that my body is the temple of God’s spirit (I Corinthians 6:19-20).
  7. I memorized a lot of scripture that reminded me of who I was in Christ and that I was co-seated at the right hand of God in Christ (Ephesians 4).
  8. I prayed like crazy that God would help me in the journey.
  9. I am careful about what I watch on TV and movies and I am careful to live in reality, understanding that the average female is not represented on TV, that is what turns a woman on sexually is relationship, not the underwear that I wear.  In other words, I don’t allow myself to indulge in non reality based fantasies, i.e. that every one other than my wife is a “she male” who is sexually aggressive like a male.
  10. I learned to develop soulish intimacy with Kay and God.  It helped me learn more about myself and it settled my soul.


It was and is a journey that lasts a life time.  If I get lazy and stop going to the gym I will gain weight, I will slide backward in fitness… same way with our thoughts.  I guess my friend and radio host colleague Steve Arterburn’s book title Every Man’s Battle is true.  It is every man’s battle.

Thanks for asking,

Love and blessings,

Milan and Kay