Perfected in Love: Intro

Ok…. so we’re supposed to love the Lord with all our heart mind and strength… and then, we’re to love our neighbor as ourselves.

If I don’t love well, then I’m told that I am as irritating as a “Noisy gong and a clanging cymbal.”

We’re even told that our capacity to love should be increasing regularly and that as love matures and develops, it will be a more knowledgeable able and discerning love (Phil 1:9).

John says, “there is no fear in love; but perfect love cast out fear, because fear has punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love (I John 4:18).”

Yet we punish one another daily as we inadequately love one another… it hurts… which builds resentment … and the divorce rate within the church is the same as outside the church.

Shouldn’t there be a difference?

In the next few weeks, we are going to discuss how each of the attachment styles falls short of God’s ideal love (sin) and growth goals to mature so as to more resemble Christ.

Once our salvation is secured, the Holy Spirit resides within us we begin our practical journey of being perfected in love over a life time.

  • Gk: “Agape” =  love = actions which are in the other person’s interest.
  • Gk: “Teleon” = perfection = being taken from our crude and broken selves at the moment of salvation and then, over time, refined into the image of Christ.

The thing that gets into the way of this love is an emotion… not an intelligence issue, not a Bible knowledge issue… not a position within the hierarchy of the church issue… it’s a basic emotion… one with whom we are all familiar… FEAR.

  • Gk: Phobos


Just as astrophysicists study in wonderment the cosmos… the handiwork of the finger of God and they increase in their understanding, they seldom seem to come to the knowledge of the truth.

To know the true God who created the cosmos.

For the last 70 years researchers have been studying with wonderment…  the nature of attachment… what makes for successful parenting experiences which in turn leads to securely attached human beings… who are less plagued by fear.

And the opposite, unsuccessful parenting experiences which in turn leads to insecurely attached human beings who are more plagued by fear. They too, study the creation of God, in it’s bent and broken form of humanity (C.S. Lewis)… and yet they cannot see the marvel of the design to come to their own saving knowledge of the true God.


  • Comfortable as giver and receiver.  Not afraid to be in either role.
  • Honest and willing to risk rejection and anger.
  • Tolerated weakness, imperfection and flaws of themselves and others. They are not afraid of “bad” parts, they can integrate good and bad within themselves and others. Thus, they don’t quickly default to shame like many of us do.
  • They can see the good within themselves and others.
  • Not afraid of what’s inside.  They have faced and have for the most part resolved inner conflict and pain.  They can also easily identify their cognitive and emotional states and put words to them.
  • They are able to judge safe people fairly quickly and ascertain what is appropriate to share at any given moment.

Jesus did not entrust himself to the majority John 2:23-25.  He did entrust himself to his entourage of close traveling companions. He further entrusted Himself to the 12.  And of the 12 He further entrusted Himself to 3… Peter, James and John.

Thanks for listening.

 Milan & Kay